We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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