Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
