I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
