FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
