i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Farmville is her only friend.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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