Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
