So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
