whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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