It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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