my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
