I need help removing her.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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