Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
