mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
