I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
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She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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