I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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