do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
