i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
