My friends, they love my intelligence
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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