Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
