life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
