I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just googled if crying burns calories
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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