Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
