ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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