Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
