I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You smell like stripper and shame
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
