Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
