I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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