theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
