Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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