So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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