i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize