He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
