The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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