So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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