If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
