last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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