Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
