Got a toothbrush?
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
