im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
