she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
