I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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