Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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