We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
