Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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