areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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