hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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