I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
and you fell through a lawn chair
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
