I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
