I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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