I just pynch a tree in the face
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Rumble strips road head = magical
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize