So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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