is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
