Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
