just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
