Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
