At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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