I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
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What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
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I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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