Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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