I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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