I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm just crazy horny about you
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
