I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
