I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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