I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i barfeds in our rink
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
