Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Will exercising make me less horny?
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