It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
