You work out of a Hotel?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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