I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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