addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
