I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
