I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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