So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
