so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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