making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
