I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
