I wish my penis had an off switch
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
