In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
