How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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