I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
