Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
