Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
