Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
