On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
