i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
