At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
